*Before I begin…is this not the CUTEST idea EVER? answer: YES! Click photo to go to Beths website.
SO…. is any of this Value talk relating?
Is any of this making sense to you? Do you find your sense of independence something that’s VERY important to you? (Do you get upset really easily if you are alone on the regular?) Is the fact that your other half is totally opposite making you CRAZY or is it something that brings you peace? Yes. No? If so… care to SHARE? Why not mosey on down and write a comment? I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Todays VALUE is probably what immediately attracted you to your restaurant man/woman? It was this that creates a sparkle in his/her eye. It’s the OBSESSION, the DRIVE…the “doing what I gotta do” in order to feel this value. Either YOU have it yourself or you enjoy watching someone who has it in abundance.
I’m talking about ACHIEVEMENT.
It’s inevitable. To succeed in the restaurant industry you gotta have DRIVE. You have to have the WILL to keep up with the fast pace. This isn’t a career for those who want to sit all day. (NOT that there is anything wrong with that, ahem, that’s what most 9-5′rs do, including me) It’s most likely this sense of being good with their hands, and quick on their feet. It’s the sense of keeping their “Eye on the Prize” and not letting anything get in their way.
The restaurant moves fast. It’s a very reputation based industry. Always wondering if he/she have ‘what it takes’ to ‘make it’. I have NO idea to what degree they instill this trait (or weed out those who don’t have it) while still in culinary school, but those that leave school and start their first job on the line, learn VERY FAST if they have this trait or not. (and if they don’t, there is NOTHING *wrong* with that,ya hear me?)
We love to be near those that exhibit a sense of achievement.
ACHIEVEMENT is a VALUE that I think we’re either drawn to for ourselves or we find it very attractive in others.
It’s the reason why competition is attractive. Why we gauge our success or failure on how much we ACHIEVE. Who is the strongest/fastest/etc…? *My thoughts go to the Coliseum in Roman times with lions and bulls. The matador that lost, walked out alone and that who won… took home the girl.
Most likely, your restaurant man/woman has a STRONG sense of ACHIEVEMENT. They work hard, they work long hours and they don’t complain about it.
*I recently polled the significant others to see if their other halves ever complained about the long hours, 99% of them, not surprisingly, said NO.
They don’t complain because what’s driving them underneath it all is a strong sense of ACHIEVEMENT.
And you… either have that yourself or are their biggest cheerleader… standing on the sidelines, holding a sign…
You want them to ACHIEVE, to reach the pinnacle in the industry. Whether that’s…
- owning their own restaurant
- getting on TV
- writing a cookbook
- ALL OF THE ABOVE
Let’s face it. Achievement is SEXY.
Its what makes the books full of reservations, people waiting in line to have their book signed, articles written, and what keeps people glued to who is going to be the next Top Chef. (for example) We all are attracted to it.
*And… we give ourselves permission to CELEBRATE when we ACHIEVE our goals. (See how this is all connected, ladies and gents?)
For a second, I want to talk more in depth, about the two ways in which WE partner with them in achievement.
1. WE have our own goals and dreams that we are working on.
We have our own dreams and it’s conducive to be with someone who is always actively working on theirs. As their partner, you pow wow with them, they relax that you are off, paving the way to the dreams and successes that you want for your OWN life. SO many significant others that I’ve talked with feel this type of relationship helps them feel less guilty, less SELFISH about working on their own goals. Having a partner that is driven to succeed only inspires him/her to work harder and since their other half is never going to complain about the long hours, work involved… this other half feels secured that their wife/girlfriend, boyfriend/husband KNOWS that they are being thought of and will come together again strengthened by what inspires them to ACHIEVE.
2. WE are their biggest FAN.
Maybe you haven’t figured out what IT is that you want to do with your life yet and until you do, you will use the WAVE of their own ACHIEVEMENT to help move your forward and feel inspired. It’s like just being around them and their desire to ACHIEVE allows you to continually feel ‘tapped into’ the energy that accomplishing something brings. Examples of how this shows up in our relationships are
- Whether we’re alone or with friends, we’ll regularly go to the restaurant to eat to have a chance to see them so they’ll feel our support, whether we’re spending quality time together or not. *EVEN if we know we’ll see them for a minute or two. It’s the thought that counts.
- We’ll help them with their dreams. If it’s having food they like at home so when they are off and yearning to make something, they’ll have the ingredients at hand.
- We get the word out – If they have a cooking class, or are in a publication, etc… WE are right there.. telling everyone around us so they will know to support him too. News spreads and you take it upon yourself to get the word out as FAR REACHING as you can.
- We go out of our way to let them know we support them and their sexy selves in their chef coats or 3 piece suits or cafe aprons…
- WE voluntarily choose the short end of the stick sometimes – We sometimes put ourselves lower on the priority list when we see how what they’re doing makes them happy. That’s okay sometimes when we see them in the midst of a project and you can see the finish line ahead.
But we gotta be careful of continual SSS = short stick syndrome (I just made that up.. you like it? I do.)
The flip side to valuing ACHIEVEMENT is…
Yep. My guess is that par and parcel of wanting to achieve is this sense that that is the ONLY thing that’s to be focused on. It’s so easy for all of us to lose track of our surroundings when we are SO driven to reach our goal. Whether that is our health, our spirituality, our own personal development, our vision for a future family… it can be SO easy to miss out on what we’re missing. It’s like everything else gets blurry and the only thing in focus is that which we want to achieve.
For our restaurant men and women, it’s easy to lose track of whats around them, when they’re dropped in the middle of a speeding bus.. and they are the only one that knows how to steer it, what direction it needs to go, and where the brake pedal is. (Or, are resistant to teach someone else how to steer it OR hand over the steering wheel, which also happens a lot when one values ACHIEVEMENT) And.. if they have close friends in the industry, partners in a project, other restaurant men/women they collaborate with – that sense of achievement multiplies by association and it can be difficult to tear them away from that if they are joined with someone else.
And…you know what prolonged tunnel vision/SSS causes, right? (say it with me now…)
And, I already discussed with you that from my poll I took early on, this is the NUMBER ONE thing most significant others feel. See here and here. (Whether they keep it to themselves or share it is another thing.)
MARK MY WORDS – It inevitably comes out somehow.
Yep. It always goes back to resentment in the end, doesn’t it?
THIS is where BALANCE comes into play… and INDEPENDENCE and any and all other VALUES that speak to you. All these things are like ingredients in a recipe. At different times, the measures might change (like when having children.. we might not have but a pinch of independence but a LOT of balance) - but we need to include these things and to keep working out when one needs a greater helping at times then at others.
Because you know what – my kindred comrades… if we STAY in RESENTMENT… our relationship is not going to thrive long term and like either a busted oven or a broken timer.. it’s going to end up BURNT AND EDIBLE and we’ll be past the point of wondering what we can do to salvage it.
Caveat: In NO way am I saying it’s realistic to say that resentment can completely be removed. It is what it is. It’s life. Sometimes. we want something and cannot explain or express to another person, to be on the same EXACT page as us, ALL the time. It’s MANAGING that resentment, digging down to the ROOT of what initially caused it, that gives way to a flow of wellness that allows for our relationships to thrive and grow.
SO… to wrap up – Achievement is something that most likely attracted you to your restaurant man/woman. It’s what makes restaurant owners open their second and third restaurant. What allows for collaborators to create restaurant groups. etc… What makes wineries create a new varietal. It’s that knowing that it’s going to get done.. no matter what it takes. We all have that desire to achieve in the fiber of our being… it’s when we can see achievement in action that it reminds us of our potential and sometimes is the impetus to create great things.
How does your own sense of achievement show up in your restaurant relationship? What’s the best part of achievement? What’s the worst?